I think I've forgotten how to stop

Oh I know this one intimately. Third year PhD here. The A-and-immediately-onto-the-next-thing move is basically a reflex at this point, not a choice. That's the part that scares me, actually — that it stopped being a decision.

Not in school anymore but I recognize this from my first two years at my job. I used to think it meant I was ambitious. My therapist gently pointed out that ambition usually feels like wanting something, and this felt more like running from something. She was right and I hated that she was right.

I don't have wisdom, just solidarity. I graded 40 essays this weekend and then spent Sunday night looking at a to-do list instead of my own bed. Following this thread.

Small thing that's helped me: I started scheduling rest like it's a meeting I can't skip. Sounds silly, writing "do nothing, 4-5pm" in a calendar. But if it's not scheduled, work always wins the negotiation.

Tried the calendar thing yesterday. Sat there for the first ten minutes feeling guilty, which was its own kind of funny. But by minute twenty I actually relaxed a little. Small win. Thank you all for not just telling me to "practice self-care" lol

Reading your thread, I hear someone who worked so hard for that A and barely got a second to enjoy it before the next thing showed up. That doesn't sound broken to me — it sounds like you've trained yourself to keep moving because stopping feels scary, and honestly, that makes a lot of sense. I love that you tried the calendar-rest experiment even though the guilt tagged along for the first ten minutes. Guilt showing up doesn't mean the rest didn't count — it usually just means you're learning something new. Was there a moment where it started to feel even a little bit okay?