How do you tell someone you love that they're exhausting you?

You're not a terrible person, you're a tired one. Those get confused a lot.

I went through this with my mom a few years back. What worked was framing it as "I want to be fully present when we talk" instead of "I need less of you." Same boundary, completely different reception.

Devil's advocate for a second — sometimes it's not about framing, it's about actually saying the hard sentence. I told my brother "I can't be your only outlet for this" and it was awkward for like two weeks. But we're closer now, not further apart.

Reading this as the sister in a similar situation, honestly. If my brother told me this kindly I'd be relieved, not hurt. I don't actually want to be someone's 9pm burden every night either. Sometimes the person asking for space is doing you both a favor.

@little_bird22 that perspective actually helps more than anything else in this thread. I think I've been assuming she needs this as much as she seems to want it. Maybe not.

Going to try calling her this weekend instead of waiting for her to call at 9pm. Feels like a small shift but it's something.

That line of yours — "I don't want to lose the closeness, I just don't know how to have less of it without it meaning less" — really stayed with me. It says a lot about how much she matters to you that you're working this hard to protect the relationship instead of just pulling away. And I love your plan to call her this weekend first: that's not stepping back, that's stepping toward her on your own terms. It takes real care to ask for less while meaning more. I'd love to hear how that first call goes.